Wednesday, August 26, 2015

"Waiting"


So, I have had a heart for adoption for as long as I can remember.  I've just always felt something deep within me that stirred up feelings for little ones that need a home.  Before Lantz and I got married {or even engaged} we talked about adoption.  It came up very naturally and we were quick to discover that each of us both shared this passion.  I know that Lord had to have planted these seeds for each of us knowing that it would be apart of our future.

Adoption has always been apart of our conversations with each other and apart of our prayer life.  It's never been about "if," but rather, "when."  Before starting our family we debated on the birth order (I guess you'd say) of when we wanted to adopt.  Even in the process of birthing kids we still knew that adoption was just over the horizon for us and we still prayed for our little one that would be birthed by someone else.

This last year and a half it became more real than ever.  Last fall we researched adoption agencies and foster care and knew we needed to make a decision.  In January we sat down on a date and knew we needed to decide officially who we wanted to partner with on our journey.  We talked about pros and cons about all the different options and agencies and we prayed.  (We had done this over and over, but this night it was more "official," knowing that we needed to reach a decision by the end of our date because it was "go" time.)  After that we decided that we would get out our phones and text each other where we felt our heart being pulled.  We weren't sure if we'd text the same place or if we'd have to start over and keep hashing things out.

Well, after a few seconds of suspense and my heart racing... I sent my text and received Lantz's about the same time.  It was official.  We each sent the same thing and we now had an agency who we knew we wanted to work with.  We decided to partner with Christian Homes and Family Services.

It just made sense for us.  Being an ACU grad, I had heard of Christian Homes over and over.  I always saw their booth on campus and Lantz and I had even taken some middle school students there to do some service projects.  Lantz's family is from the Abilene area and had connections with Christian Homes too.  Besides, I feel as if we are in Abilene more than any other city outside of the one we live.  Whether it is Kadesh, or Summit, or Homecoming, or visiting family- we are in Abilene tons.  It just seemed "right.." I don't know how else to explain it.

Not to mention how AMAZING they are and all the fabulous things we had read about them & people had told us about the agency. And now having been on this journey with them, I know we made the right decision.  I could not imagine going through this with any other organization.  I just feel as though they are kinda part of a large family... like there is this sense of community there that I just can't explain. They are wonderful!  And we LOVE our caseworker. Click HERE to go to their website to browse around.  I'd love to answer any questions that you may have or help find you someone who can help answer your questions.  I really can't say enough good things about Christian Homes and Family Services.

So in February we went to a weekend orientation and then it got really real. Ha!  It was like, "Oh wow, this is real.  Like we are going to have a baby!"  I almost felt as though we found out we were pregnant.  Does that make sense?

We left with a MOUND, and I mean a MOUND of paperwork. I can't even explain to you the amount of paperwork we swam through.  Although, everyone at Christian Homes was so GREAT to work with- there is just tons of paperwork that comes with the process.

At the beginning of July we FINALLY finished all of our paperwork. Y'all... I'm not even kidding... it was a ton!  I feel like the most time consuming thing was working on our photo book for the birth moms to view.  The birth moms are given letters from waiting families that are a one page "highlight" (You can read our letter HERE) based on our profile and the birth mom's profile.  She could have 30 letters or 3?  Kinda all depends on the profiles.  From those letters the birth mom narrows it down to two or three families that she is interested in.  She is then handed photo books and autobiographies.  Lantz and I each had to write a 10 page autobiography telling about ourselves.  From the photo books and the autobiographies she will "pick" a family that she is most interested in to parent her child.  The adoptive family is then given all the information about the birth mom and then they can decide if they are a "match."

So... I felt a lot of pressure to have our photo book up to par.  And by that I mean- I just wanted it to be real.  I really just wanted to convey who we really were as a family. It proved to be more difficult than I originally thought... especially given that I'm a bit of a perfectionist, and it could only be 10 pages front and back and only 8 & 1/2 by 11.

When they received our book in the mail and our letter then we officially became "live" on their website and they could official start sharing our letters and profile with birth moms.  That was in the middle of July.  Click HERE to see our information on their website.

Since then we have just been praying and waiting.

People ask if we've heard anything.... no.  Just waiting.  That's the hard part.  Just being out of control and not really knowing what's going on.  I have no idea if we've even been shown to a birth mom or if we've been shown to a hundred birth moms.  It's hard not knowing.  But if we were told when we were being shown it might be just as hard to know if we were "rejected" or if someone else was "chosen" instead of us.

I know that God has our fourth child already picked out for our family.  I know He will bring us our birth mom and our baby in HIS time and that we have to just trust Him.  I know that He already has special babies picked for each of the other waiting families and that it's not about the birth mom "picking" a certain family... because those families and our family and those precious babies have already been chosen by our Lord for their forever families.  HE is in control....not Christian Homes, not us, not the birth moms.... our Father in Heaven is in control of it all.  And knowing that brings peace of mind and allows the waiting to feel a bit more divine and a little less anxiety filled.



Sweet 4th baby of mine.... I'm waiting for you.  I'm waiting to see you for the first time, waiting to hold you, waiting to smell you, waiting to hear you, waiting to kiss you, waiting to cuddle you.  You are mine.  You always have been and you always will be.  I love you with a love that is so deep it cannot be explained... a love that is settled and long been there just waiting. Waiting for you. Waiting to be unleashed in a way it never has been and waiting to envelop you.  I know your other Mommy loves you in this same way and that she and I have this kindred spirit that share a bond of love that is so strong just for you.  How blessed you are to have this love!  I know that the Lord is watching over her and you right now and that when the time is right we'll get to meet.  Until that day, just know that I am waiting so desperately for you and that I love you so much more than I could ever put into words.  

2 comments:

  1. Thanks for the update. I have seen you briefly mention adoption but didn't know where you were in the process. We will be praying for your family as your process continues. Adoption is an amazing thing because Zoe is living proof :) We just love that little girl & she is my daughter's best friend - we cannot imagine life without her!

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  2. I admire you more and more each day!

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